Why You Keep Dating Toxic People
You deserve to be treated well.
If you’ve gotten into the habit of dating toxic people, it can start to feel like toxic behavior is “normal behavior.” Maybe you saw your parents marriage be unhealthy. Maybe you’ve listened to the messages from movies and TV that depict unhealthy relationships. Maybe you’ve been through so much relational trauma that it’s hard to believe in real love anymore.
But you deserve to be treated well. There are good people out there and, sometimes, we have to set our standards a little higher to find them. We don’t like to be alone and sometimes we settle for someone who treats us poorly. It doesn’t have to be this way. Ultimately, if you want a healthy relationship, you have to get to a point where you know what you deserve and will settle for nothing less, even if that means being alone for a while.
Another reason I think we date toxic people is because we confuse “normal” with “healthy”. We look around and see how other people get treated and we think…”that’s just normal right?” It’s normal for boyfriends to not call back. It’s normal for girlfriends to get jealous. It’s normal to go through my boyfriend’s phone. It’s normal for my girlfriend to flirt with other guys to get free drinks. It’s normal for our relationship to be just about sex and not really be able to talk about how I’m feeling. I hear these kinds of things in therapy all the time. None of those things are healthy! Just because your friend’s relationship looks like that doesn’t mean yours has to.
Lastly, we are sometimes scared to believe there is something better. We tell ourselves to settle for what we have…there’s no perfect marriage. While I would agree that there are no perfect relationships, you can still have a healthy, life-giving relationship. That is possible for you. But you have to fight for it, you have to work for it, and you have to believe it is possible. And one more thing – not every frog can be turned into a prince. You have to choose someone who is worthy of that effort and capable of putting in that effort for you.
Part of what it takes to get past this is a belief that you are worth it, as well as a solid support system of friends, family, or a therapist who are also reminding you that you’re worth it. Don’t wait another day to get started. Reach out today to begin your healing journey.
